It's been a long time since the last frustrated rambling post. Which is good I guess.
But there are no highs without lows. And while this is not rock bottom, I've been hitting the low for a while now. It always takes me a little while to find out what's wrong. After carefully analyzing I think it boils down to this: I'm STUCK!
I see no left, right, up or down in the near future. I am where I am and that's where I will be for at least 2 (3, 4, 5?) years.
I guess part of the problem is that I don't feel I have the right to complain. I have a roof over my head, a super sweet loving man, food on the table and a pretty pooch to bring a smile on my face. It could be so much worse. On the other hand, I feel stuck and I feel that I need to 'complain' about it. If I don't get it out of my system it will hold me back, drain my energy and shift from low to rock bottom.
|Bubblescape by DianeClancy|
In all my life, even as a child, I've felt the need to be challenged, have goals and work hard to reach them. I've always been bubbling with plans and ideas, some easily achieved some nearly impossible. Even if I knew that my goals were beyond my abilities it gave me energy to try to see how far I could come. If nothing else I would learn something, have a new experience.
My head still bubbles with ideas, but they no longer bring the same kind of energy with it.
My patience is running out. I'm not ready to give up yet, my goals are not met, I feel there is room to grow and learn. But I need to find more energy, more motivation. And that excellent idea that will bring that little bit of extra cash I need to move from stuck to unstuck.
I hope I find it soon, feeling like this is not good. Not good at all.